I’m hurting

I am hurting right now. Last week a colleague of ours died; he was the same age as me. I ended a relationship with someone who has been my life’s most extended and deepest friend and lover of over ten years. Also, a project I diligently worked on was cancelled due to insufficient funds, which doesn’t sound as bad as the first two, but it still hurts a bit.

The relationship I ended hurts the most; it’s the kind of grief I don’t know if I’ll get over but eventually gather enough strength to move on.

I’ve been participating in activities celebrating life for the last few days. I attended a Flaming Lips concert, a Spring celebration party at the Vancouver Art Gallery, and a Blues and Fusion dance night where I could dance with all my friends and favourite dancers. One heart-healing property of Blues and Fusion dance is that you can feel and process your emotions while in motion with a dance partner embracing you on the dance floor.

I won’t try to medicate or suppress my pain. I won’t distract myself from it. I am going to feel my emotions to their full strength and depth. I’ll let them run through me while I’m processing my grief.